


Malleus Maleficarum (3.09)

by ackles_ass_equation



Series: Superghetto [54]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Related, Cursed Dean, Episode: s03e09 Malleus Maleficarum, Screenplay/Script Format, Witch Curses, Witchcraft, Witches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-07-27 03:43:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7602052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackles_ass_equation/pseuds/ackles_ass_equation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Da seemingly harmless practicez of a crew of hood witches goes shitty when one of dem kills a biatch. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Ruby offers her assistance... but dat freaky freaky biatch has all dem secretz of her own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. NOW

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

Door opens, n' a biatch n' playa dressed up in formal (JANET n' PAUL DUTTON) attire strutt in, tha playa switches on tha bedroom light as tha biatch tosses her purse on tha bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **JANET  
** That was just a shitty, shitty party. 

 **PAUL  
** But there was dis one straight-up dope biatch there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. 

 **JANET  
** Yo ass should have gone home wit her n' shit. 

 **PAUL  
** I did 

They kiss, n' he unzips her dress. Well shiiiit, it falls ta tha floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. 

 **JANET  
** I need all dem minutes. 

 **PAUL  
** Alright, there be a a funky-ass forty of '89 up in tha fridge. 

They lick n' da thug strutts up tha door as dat thugged-out biiiatch crosses tha room n' entas tha bathroom. 

INT fo' realz. AMANDA'S ROOM - NIGHT 

A match is struck on tha edge of a funky-ass box as a incantation is bein recited which runs all up in tha rest of tha action as a voiceover n' shit. 

 **AMANDA  
** Echranmuk madan fiéré, fiahohshee shé morelorn 

Da match lights a cold-ass lil candle, n' as tha incantation continues ta be spoken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.   
  
INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT 

JANET is removin her diamond phat gold rope up in front of tha bathroom mirror. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. 

 **AMANDA (V.O.)**  
Marc oh don   
  
INT fo' realz. AMANDA'S ROOM 

Da camera pans across tha altar Amanda is still recitin her incantation up in front of, wit various occult objects, includin tha candle she lit, n' bones n' symbols drawn on wood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! 

 **AMANDA**  
Duer kianave kihér tolic   
  
INT. BATHROOM 

JANET opens a funky-ass brand freshly smoked up toothbrush n' removes dat shit. 

 **AMANDA (V.O.)**  
Einder bolic   
  
INT fo' realz. AMANDA'S ROOM 

AMANDA opens a cold-ass lil cloth on tha altar on top of tha symbol revealin a used toothbrush (presumably Janet's) inside tha cloth. 

 **AMANDA  
** Madan fiéré fiahohshee shé morelorn 

INT. BATHROOM 

JANET brushes her teeth. 

 **AMANDA  
** Marc oh don duer kianave kihér tolic 

INT fo' realz. AMANDA'S ROOM 

AMANDA reaches fo' a thugged-out dagger n' drags it along her right palm drippin a thugged-out drop blood on tha bristlez of tha toothbrush dat dat freaky freaky biatch has unwrapped on tha altar. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. 

 **AMANDA**  
Echranmuk madan fiéré fiahohshee shé morelorn   
  
INT. BATHROOM 

Janet reaches fo' her grill, n' wigglez one of her front teeth which comes loose, n' falls up in her hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **AMANDA (V.O.)  
** Marc oh don duer kianave kihér tolic einder bolic 

 **JANET  
** Oh god. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

INT fo' realz. AMANDA'S ROOM 

AMANDA'S hand drips blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! 

 **AMANDA  
** Madan fiéré 

INT. BATHROOM 

JANET turns slowly, feelin round tha inside of her grill wit her tongue. 

 **AMANDA (V.O.)  
** Fiahohshee shé morelorn 

INT fo' realz. AMANDA'S ROOM 

Another drop of blood landz on tha bristlez of tha toothbrush. 

 **AMANDA  
** Marc oh don 

INT. BATHROOM 

JANET reaches inside her grill n' removes another tooth. 

 **AMANDA (V.O.)  
** Duer kianave kihér tolic einder bolic 

 **JANET  
** What the, biatch? 

Bitch puts both teeth up in one hand as tha incantation stops momentarily. 

 **JANET  
** Paul! 

INT fo' realz. AMANDA'S ROOM 

Da incantation continues as mo' dripz of blood land on tha toothbrush bristles. 

 **AMANDA  
** Fiahohshee shé morelorn 

INT. BEDROOM 

Pizzle runs tha fuck into tha bedroom as tha incantation pauses again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **PAUL  
** What tha fuck iz it, biatch? 

 **JANET  
** It aint nuthin but mah teeth. 

As Pizzle sees her he rushes forward yo, but tha bathroom door slams shut n' tha deadbolt locks tha fuck into place. Pizzle poundz on tha door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. 

 **PAUL  
** Janet son! 

 **JANET  
** Help me biaaatch! 

INT fo' realz. AMANDA'S ROOM 

Incantation continues again n' again n' again all up in tha rest of tha action, wit tha blasted showin only Amandaz lips recitin tha lyrics. 

 **AMANDA  
** Duer kianave

INT. BATHROOM 

Pizzle keeps bangin on tha door, n' Janet has blood drippin down her chin as dat thugged-out biiiatch chokes n' turns ta bend over tha sink spittin up a tooth n' blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Biatch then spits up another tooth.

 **AMANDA (V.O.)  
** Kihértolic 

INT fo' realz. AMANDA'S ROOM 

Closed fist drips blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! 

 **AMANDA  
** Echran 

INT. BATHROOM 

Janet spits blood n' teeth tha fuck into tha sink. 

 **AMANDA (V.O.)  
** Muk madan 

INT fo' realz. AMANDA'S ROOM 

Blood drips on tha toothbrush bristles. 

 **AMANDA  
** Fiéré fiah 

INT. BATHROOM 

Mo' blood n' teeth is spit tha fuck into tha sink. JANET turns away from tha sink, holdin her hand up in front of her grill still coughin up blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! 

 **AMANDA (V.O.)  
** Ohshee 

INT. BEDROOM 

PAUL bangs on door which shakes but do not unlock 

INT fo' realz. AMANDA'S ROOM 

 **AMANDA  
** Einder bolic 

AMANDA stabs tha blood covered bristlez wit tha dagger n' tha incantation stops. 

INT. BEDROOM 

PAUL backs up from tha bathroom door n' goes ta kick it down as tha deadbolt turns n' tha door swings slowly open. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. PAUL stares up in horror as tha door swings open mo' revealin JANET lyin on tha floor wit blood surroundin her grill motionless. 

Da sink is splattered wit blood n' teeth as one tooth rolls toward tha drain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.


	2. ACT ONE

**INT. DUTTON BEDROOM - DAY**

DEAN is dissin PAUL bout JANET n' SAM is searchin tha bathroom fo' clues as ta what tha fuck happened.

 **PAUL  
** Bitch was so trippin like a muthafucka. I couldn't help; I couldn't do anythang ta stop it fo' realz. And I've talked ta tha police, n' I've talked ta tha medicinal examiner n' no one can explain dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** Well thatz why they put tha call up in ta our asses Mista Muthafuckin Dutton. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **PAUL  
** But tha CDC, thatz disease control right, biatch? What do you think; itz some kind of virus, biatch?

 

  
INT. BATHROOM - DAY

SAM closes tha door ta tha bathroom n' looks mo' thoroughly all up in thangs.

 **DEAN (V.O.)  
** We not rulin up anythang yet. Mista Muthafuckin Dutton did Janet have any enemies, biatch?

 **PAUL (V.O.)  
** I be sorry, biatch?

 

  
INT. BEDROOM

 **DEAN  
** Every Muthafucka dat might gotz a reason ta hurt her, biatch?

 **PAUL  
** Wait, what tha fuck is you saying, biatch? That some muthafucka poisoned her, biatch?

 

  
INT. BATHROOM

SAM looks under tha sink up in tha bathroom n' findz something. Da dissin continues up in tha bedroom.

 **DEAN (V.O.)  
** I be just sayin we gotta cover every last muthafuckin base here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

 **PAUL (V.O)  
** Well, I mean, what tha fuck kind of poison, biatch? Yo ass be thinkin a thug could have done this, biatch?

 **DEAN (V.O.)  
** Would mah playas want to, biatch?

 

  
INT. BEDROOM

 **PAUL  
** What?! Fuck dat shit, no, there be a just no one dat could've-

SAM opens tha bathroom door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

 **DEAN  
** Mista Muthafuckin Dutton, biatch?

 **PAUL  
** Uh, mah playas loved Janet.

SAM nodz at DEAN so he knows dat SAM is done investigating.

 **DEAN  
** Okay. Nuff props straight-up much; I be thinkin we've gots every last muthafuckin thang we need. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! We bout ta git outta yo' way now, nahmeean, biatch?

 

**EXT. DUTTON HOUSE - DAY**

It aint nuthin but drizzlin as SAM n' DEAN strutt outta tha doggy den toward tha Impala. 

 **DEAN  
** That dude seem a lil evasive ta yo slick ass, biatch? 

 **SAM  
** I don't give a fuck I was under a sink, pullin dis out.

SAM takes a hex bag outta his thugged-out lil' pocket n' handz it ta Dean n' they both stop as DEAN takes tha bag from SAM n' opens dat shit. 

 **SAM  
** Hex bag.

 **DEAN  
** Awww gross. 

 **SAM  
** Yeah, there be bird bones, rabbitz teeth. This cloth is probably cut from suttin' Janet Dutton owned. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

DEAN looks back all up in tha doggy den fo' a second n' turns back handin tha bag ta SAM n' struttin towardz tha IMPALA again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **DEAN  
** So we thankin witch, biatch? 

 **SAM  
** Uh, yeah, n' not some freshly smoked up age wicked wata douser either n' shit. This is Oldskool Ghetto black magic Dean, I mean, warts n' all.

 

  
INT. IMPALA - DAY

DEAN gets up in n' turns ta Sam. 

 **DEAN  
** I don't give a fuck bout witches. 

SAM chucklez 

 **DEAN  
** They're always spewin they bodily fluidz everywhere, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

 **SAM  
** Pretty much. 

 **DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but creepy, you know, itz down right unsanitary. 

 **SAM  
** Yeah, well one of mah thugs definitely had it up fo' Janet Dutton. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, one of mah thugs whoz ass snuck tha fuck into dat doggy den n' planted tha bag. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So what tha fuck is we thinking, we uh, lookin fo' some oldschool craggy blair biiiatch up in tha woods.

 **SAM  
** No it could be mah playas. Neighbor, coworker, dude, biatch thatz tha problem Dean, they human, they like any suckas.

 **DEAN  
** Great yo. How tha fuck do we find 'em, biatch?

 **SAM  
** This wasn't random; one of mah thugs up in Janet Duttonz game had a skanky axe ta grind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! We find tha motive-

 **DEAN  
** We find tha murderer n' shit.

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

DEAN starts tha IMPALA n' pulls away from tha curb, rollin off up in tha rain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 

 

**EXT fo' realz. AMANDA'S HOUSE**

ELIZABETH is tendin ta her garden as AMANDA pulls tha fuck into her driveway n' gets outta tha car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. ELIZABETH looks up n' tries ta git AMANDAz attention. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **ELIZABETH  
** Amanda.

AMANDA is distracted n' grabs a grocery bag outta tha back seat of her hoopty n' starts ta strutt ta her door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. We peep dat dat freaky freaky biatch has a funky-ass bandage on her right hand signifyin dis is tha witch our crazy asses heard recitin tha incantation whoz ass cut her hand wit tha dagger n' shit.

 **ELIZABETH  
** Yo Amanda!

 **AMANDA  
** Oh, Elizabeth hi. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sorry, I've gots like a thousand thangs on mah mind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

AMANDA keeps struttin toward tha door ta her house.

 **ELIZABETH  
** Is you aiiight dopeie, biatch? Yo ass didn't come ta book club last night.

 **AMANDA  
** Yeah, sorry I was gonna call, I just- I gots busy you know, biatch? But I be fine, straight-up, I am.

AMANDA hurries tha fuck into her doggy den wavin her hand behind her at ELIZABETH.

 

 

**_INT fo' realz. AMANDA'S HOUSE_ **

AMANDA strutts tha fuck into tha kitchen n' sets down tha grocery bag on tha counta n' goes ta tha oven openin tha door n' reaches up in ta take up a platta wit chicken on it fo' realz. A buzzin starts up in tha background n' as AMANDA sets tha platta on tha counta tha chicken can bee peeped ta be rotten. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. AMANDA continues ta peep tha platta as tha buzzin intensifies n' tha camera closes up in on tha chicken showin flies, maggots n' worms crawlin all over tha rootin chicken n' you know I be eatin up dat shizzle all muthafuckin day, biatch. I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg!

  
EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STREET - NIGHT   
  
PAUL is chillin up in his hoopty pulled over on tha side of tha street n' reaches over n' turns on tha radio. Every Rose Has itz Thorn by Poison starts ta play on tha radio as his thugged-out lil' punk-ass begins ta smoke a funky-ass burger n' shit.   
  
  
INT fo' realz. AMANDA'S HOUSE - NIGHT   
  
Da camera pans across tha altar up in AMANDAz livin room showin various occult objects, includin a cold-ass lil candle, bones n' symbols drawn on wood, tha same as before. Now she places tha platta of rotten chicken where Janetz toothbrush was n' lifts tha same ol' dirty dagger her big-ass booty sliced her hand wit previously n' looks at dat shit.   
  
  
INT. PAUL DUTTON'S CAR PAUL is chewin tha chicken dat schmoooove muthafucka has smoked as tha cold lil' woo wop continues yo. Dude puts down tha burger n' goes ta check his thugged-out lil' peep it yo, but his wrist is bare n' he looks confused. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! AMANDA begins tha incantation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **AMANDA (V.O.)  
** Echranmuk madan fiéré marc oh don

  
INT fo' realz. AMANDA'S HOUSE

AMANDA places a peep (presumably PAUL's) on tha platta wit tha rotten chicken n' continues her incantation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **AMANDA  
** Duer kianave kihér tolic einder bolic marc oh don duer kianave. This dinner was cooked fo' you Pizzle Arthur Dutton. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

AMANDA stabs tha dinner wit tha dagger n' shit. 

 **AMANDA**  
Now you goin ta smoke dat shit.   
  
  
INT. PAUL'S CAR   
  
PAUL is chewin n' holdin his burger as tha radio goes static n' tha cold lil' woo wop chizzlez ta I Put a Spell on Yo ass by Screamin' Jay Hawkins. Pizzle lays down his burger on tha passenger seat of his hoopty n' maggots fall up onto tha wrapper n' shiznit yo. Dude reaches n' turns off tha radio. Pickin up his burger again n' again n' again tha pimpin' muthafucka takes another bite n' begins ta chew but cook up a gangbangin' grill n' goes ta reach up in his crazy-ass grill liftin his burger n' lookin down at it yo. Dude seez it is covered up in maggots, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. 

 **PAUL  
** Aah, oh! 

PAUL puts down tha burger as I Put a Spell on Yo ass comes back on tha radio n' he leans forward startin ta choke yo. Dude opens tha door of his hoopty fallin up onto tha pavement hunched over as DEAN n' SAM arrive up in tha Impala. DEAN runs over ta PAUL n' yells at SAM: 

 **DEAN  
** Peep tha hoopty playa! 

SAM searches under tha dashboard n' steerin column as DEAN tries ta help PAUL. 

 **DEAN  
** Sam! 

 **SAM  
** Got dat shiznit son! 

SAM gets up removin tha hex bag he found as DEAN pulls Pizzle up from tha pavement. 

 **DEAN**  
Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.   
  
SAM lights tha hex bag on fire n' drops it ta tha ground as it glows wit blue n' chronic flames.   
  
  
INT fo' realz. AMANDA'S HOUSE   
  
As da hoe begins ta cut her hand wit tha dagger n' continue tha ritual, tha platta of rottin chicken bursts tha fuck into flames.

EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STREET   
  
PAUL recovers from chokin n' leans back against his car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. 

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass aiiight, biatch? 

 **PAUL  
** What tha hell is goin' down ta me son?!

 **DEAN  
** Someone murdered yo' hoe n' now they tryin ta bust a cap up in you, thatz whatz goin' down ta you, biatch. 

 **PAUL  
** Thatz impossible biaaatch! Therez no way-

 **DEAN  
** If our crazy asses hadn't done been followin you, you'd be a thugged-out doornail n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do. Now whoz ass wants you dead, biatch? 

 **PAUL  
** I-uh... 

 **DEAN  
** Come on think.

 **PAUL  
** Therez a biatch-uh-

 **DEAN  
** A biatch, aiiight, biatch?

 **PAUL  
** An affair- a mistake, dat biiiiatch was un-balanced, dat biiiiatch was blackmailin me n' I put a end ta it a week ago. 

 **SAM  
** Whatz her name, biatch? 

 **PAUL  
** Wha-What could she gotta do with-, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Paul! What tha fuck iz her name, biatch?

 

 

**INT fo' realz. AMANDA'S HOUSE**

AMANDA is frantically flippin all up in tha pagez of a funky-ass book wit occult symbols on it n' foreign language freestyled round tha symbols fo' realz. A wind blows all up in her doggy den blowin up tha candlez on her altar fo' realz. AMANDA stares at dem warily, then suddenly screams n' holdz up her left arm where one cut has already been sliced up in her wrist vertically. Two mo' slice down next ta dat cut wit no visible assailant n' blood begins ta pour outta tha wounds.

 **AMANDA  
** No! No...aah no!

Three cuts slice tha fuck into her right wrist vertically matchin dem on her left wrist n' blood pours outta dem despite AMANDAz creams up in protest. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch falls forward pushin tha altar off tha table n' landz grill down on her glass fruity-ass malt liquor table blood from her cut wrists poolin round her arms her eyes shut.


	3. ACT TWO

**INT fo' realz. AMANDA'S HOUSE - NIGHT**

DEAN picks tha lock n' entas AMANDAz doggy den followed closely by SAM wit they glocks drawn. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. They enta tha room n' find AMANDA gameless on tha table covered up in blood n' switch on tha light. Da flames is still burning, so dis is straight-up shortly afta her dope ass died.

 **DEAN (starin all up in tha body)  
** Thatz a cold-ass lil curvebizzle. Kick dat shit!

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

They approach AMANDAz body, n' DEAN lifts her right arm wit tha barrel of his wild lil' freakadelic glock then looks all up in tha other as well.

 **DEAN  
** Three per wrist, vertical. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch wasn't foolin' around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

SAM puts his wild lil' freakadelic glock up in tha back of his jeans n' bendz down ta peep tha scattered remnant of tha altar holdin his nozzle ta tha smell of tha burnt rotten chicken n' you know I be eatin up dat shizzle all muthafuckin day, biatch. I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg!

 **SAM  
** Yeah, be lookin like dat biiiiatch was hustlin some heavyweight evil here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

 **DEAN  
** Yep.

DEAN turns around, then jumps back, startled- he nearly strutted tha fuck into a rabbit, hangin from tha ceiling, dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **DEAN  
** Oh god hommie! Freakin' witches muthafucka! Seriously dude, come on!

 **SAM  
** Guess we know where she gots tha rabbitz teeth from.

 **DEAN  
** Well, Pizzle shizzle knows how tha fuck ta pick 'em huh, biatch? It aint nuthin but like Fatal Attraction all over again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

 **DEAN  
** And why do tha rabbit always git screwed up in tha deal?! Da skanky lil muthafucka.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass know what tha fuck I don't get, Dean, biatch? If dat biiiiatch was so bent on revenge, why do this, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Well, she gots Janet Dutton, thought she finished off Paul, decided ta cap her muthafuckin ass n' make it a spurned freakz hat-trick.

 **SAM  
** Maybe.

SAM starts ta look under tha glass table dat AMANDA is on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **DEAN  
** I mean, dis don't exactly be lookin like tha TV room of a funky-ass bright n' stable thug you know, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shiznit yo, but then...

SAM reaches round n' pulls up another hex bag dat is tucked under tha table n' standz up tossin it ta DEAN.

 **SAM  
** Therez all dis bullshit.

 **DEAN  
** Another hex bag, biatch? Come on!

DEAN opens tha bag ta find similar contentz of tha bag they found up in JANETz bathroom n' tha pimpin' muthafucka tosses it on tha table reachin fo' his thugged-out lil' phone.

 **DEAN  
** Looks like we gots a hit, huh, biatch? A lil witch-on-witch shit, biatch?

 **SAM  
** I guess.

DEAN dials tha beeper n' hold it up ta his wild lil' fuckin ear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

 **DEAN  
** I'd like ta report a thugged-out dead body, 309 Mayfair Circle. My fuckin name, biatch? Yeah, shizzle mah name is-

DEAN clicks tha beeper shut cuttin his dirty ass off.

 **DEAN  
** Why is witches gankin each other, biatch?

 **SAM  
** I don't give a fuck yo, but I be thinkin maybe we gots a cold-ass lil coven on our hands.

 

 

**INT. VAN ALLEN HOUSE - NIGHT**

Camera pans up from 'Determination' posta on wall ta two dem hoes chillin on a sofa.

RON is standin up in tha doorway ta tha room dat tha dem hoes is in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **RON  
** All right, all right. I be going. I aint fooled by yo' lil book club by tha way. I know what tha fuck you ladies git up ta when I be gone. It aint nuthin but all dish n' ghetto hype.

Da dem hoes laugh as ELIZABETH strutts up in n' joins RON up in tha doorway.

 **ELIZABETH  
** Yo Ron. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **RON  
** Oh, wassup Elizabeth. I mean, whenz tha last time mah playas straight-up brought a funky-ass book, biatch? 

 **TAMMI n' RENEE (in unison)  
** Git tha fuck outta ma bidnizz Ron. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **RON  
** All right. 

RON leaves n' as soon as tha door closes behind his ass ELIZABETH goes tha fuck into tha room seemingly upset.

 **ELIZABETH  
** Dude don't give a fuck, biatch? Yo ass didn't tell him, biatch?

 **RENEE  
** Bout Amanda, biatch? Oh, I be thinkin thatz book club bidnizz don't yo slick ass, biatch?

TAMMI gets a cold-ass lil candle holda wit three tapers up in it n' sets it on tha fruity-ass malt liquor table up in front of tha sofa.

 **RENEE  
** Nuff props Tammi. 

 **ELIZABETH  
** Da five-o just took away her body, n' what, biatch? Us playas just gonna pretend it didn't happen, biatch?

 **RENEE  
** We loved Amanda. 

 **TAMMI  
** It aint nuthin but true. 

 **RENEE  
** We know dat dat biiiiatch was a lil... unstable.

 **TAMMI  
** Also true. 

 **RENEE  
** And we gotta grill it, she probably capped Janet Dutton. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **TAMMI  
** Muthafuckas just don't spit up they teeth all of a sudden. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

RENEE shakes her head up in agreement wit TAMMI.

 **ELIZABETH  
** We gotta stop. We gotta stop Book Joint. This has all gone too far. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. 

RENEE gets up from tha sofa. 

 **RENEE  
** Elizabeth, just take a thugged-out deep breath. Calm down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **TAMMI  
** We can't... stop. 

 **ELIZABETH  
** But playas is dying!

RENEE scoffs.

 **RENEE  
** Amanda capped her muthafuckin ass yes fo' realz. And fo'sho, she capped Janet. (tsk-tsk clicks her teeth) Awful, wack bidnizz of course yo, but thatz all over now fo' realz. And be thinkin bout what tha fuck Book Club has gotten our asses hmm, biatch? Yo crazy-ass homeboyz promotion, dat lil trip ta Hawaii dat you won. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. And what tha fuck bout me son, biatch? My fuckin home pottery bidnizz is finally takin off n' you wanna just stop, biatch? Do you wanna stop, biatch?

ELIZABETH shakes her head 'no' n' RENEE claps her handz together n' shit.

 **RENEE  
** 'kay, now come on, our phat asses aint gots much time, Ron gets back from his Fantasy Footbizzle up in a hour. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

Da three of dem start gettin locked n loaded fo' 'Book Club' which is they witches coven meetin by puttin a cold-ass lil cloth wit a thugged-out demonic symbol on it down on tha table, puttin tha 'Book of Shadows' up in tha middle of it, n' lightin tha candlez up in tha candle holda n' shit.

 **TAMMI, RENEE & ELIZABETH**  
Book of Shadows we kneel before you, let our asses serve yo' masta as you serve us.  
Book of Shadows we kneel before you, let our asses serve yo' master-

 

**_EXT. ELIZABETH'S GARDEN - DAY_ **

ELIZABETH is turnin tha soil of her garden wit a lil' small-ass trowel when DEAN n' SAM strutt up her driveway ta question her muthafuckin ass.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass must gotz a chronic thumb.

 **ELIZABETH  
** Excuse me son, biatch? 

 **SAM  
** Gettin these herbs ta grow outta season like this, like impressive. I be sorry; I should have introduced mah dirty ass first.

SAM reaches on tha pocket of his suit jacket n' takes up a funky-ass badge.

 **SAM  
** I be uh, Detectizzle Bachman, dis is Detectizzle Turner n' shit.

DEAN takes his own badge outta his jacket pocket n' flashes it at ELIZABETH.

 **DEAN  
** Hi-ya.

 **SAM  
** We followin up on Amanda Burns' dirtnap, goin round tha hood n' poppin' off ta neighbors n' shiznit like dis shit.

 **ELIZABETH  
** But didn't she- I mean she capped her muthafuckin ass right, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Maybe, maybe.

 **DEAN  
** Our thugged-out asses heard you was playaz wit tha deceased right, biatch?

 **ELIZABETH  
** Yeah, I guess so.

 **DEAN  
** Did yo dirty ass have any scam bout her practices, biatch?

 **ELIZABETH  
** I be sorry, what tha fuck kind of practices?

 **SAM  
** Well see, her doggy den was littered wit Satanic paraphernalia.

 **DEAN  
** A regular Black Sabbath.

 **ELIZABETH  
** Fuck dat shit, the- but dat biiiiatch was a Episcopalian. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **DEAN  
** Well, then we pretty shizzle dat biiiiatch was rockin tha wack Bizzle. (chuckles)

RENEE n' TAMMI strutt up unseen, n' RENEE speaks causin tha brothers ta turn n' take notice of they arrival.

 **RENEE  
** Elizabeth, you all right, biatch?

 **ELIZABETH  
** I be fine uh Renee, these is detectives. They say Amanda was- dat biiiiatch was practicing-

 **RENEE  
** I be sorry as a muthafucka detectives; you can tell dat Elizabeth be a lil bit upset.

 **DEAN  
** Of course, Miss ... , biatch?

 **RENEE  
** Missus. Renee. Van Allen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. (Bitch say it slowly n' emphatically, like itz dope n' she blingin.) Would you like me ta spell it fo' yo slick ass, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** I be bout ta git by, props.

 **RENEE  
** This Amanda bidnizz has been hard fo' Liz. For all of us.

 **TAMMI  
** Yeah. I mean, you be thinkin you know a person. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **DEAN  
** Well, I guess we all have secrets don't we, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Well, props, um, we'll be up in touch.

 **DEAN  
** Have a sick day. It make me wanna hollar playa! 

 **TAMMI  
** Bye.

Da camera pans across TAMMI, LIZ, n' RENEEz faces.

 

 

****_EXT. ROAD - NIGHT  
  
Da IMPALA is rollin down a cold-ass lil ghetto road all up in fog._

INT. IMPALA - NIGHT   
  
DEAN is rollin n' SAM is up in tha passengerz seat.

 **DEAN  
** Well, I be already sold on dat Elizabeth chick. Did yo dirty ass peep dat victory garden of hers, biatch? Belladonna, wolfsbane, mandrake, not ta mention dat lil flinch dat dunkadelic hoe threw when we mentioned tha occult.

 **SAM  
** Well, her dope ass definitely had a phat run lately, gone up all dem tax brackets; won almost a fuckin shitload of raffles. Kinda thang a lil black magic always helps with.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah.

 **SAM  
** I don't be thinkin she ridin' solo either n' shit. Looks like 'MRS. Renee Van Allen' has won almost every last muthafuckin craft contest dat freaky freaky biatch has entered up in tha past three months.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, a regular Martha Stewart, huh, biatch? Except fo' tha devil worship, I be thankin dat was tha coven we kicked it wit back there, minus one member n' shit.

 **SAM  
** Amanda was clearly goin off tha reservation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. What do you think, they capped her ta keep up appearances, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Seems like a appearizzle kind of crowd, don't you think, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

 **DEAN  
** If they capped tha nut-job, should we uh, give props ta dem or what, biatch?

 **SAM  
** They're hustlin black magic too, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. They need ta be stopped. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

 **DEAN  
** 'Stopped' like stopped, biatch?

SAM gives his ass a look dat say 'of course'.

 **DEAN  
** They're human, Sam.

 **SAM  
** They're murderers.

DEAN looks at SAM fo' a second wit surprise n' then shrugs up in agreement.

 **DEAN  
** Burn witch, burn, so check it before ya wreck it. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

DEAN continues ta drive when tha IMPALA stuttas n' starts ta choke up.

 **DEAN  
** What tha hell, biatch?

 

 

**_EXT. ROAD - NIGHT_ **

Da head lightz of tha IMPALA flicker on n' then back on again n' again n' again as it slowly comes ta a stop up in front of a gangbangin' figure sandin up in tha middle of tha road. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da view from tha inside of tha IMPALA shows dat it is RUBY. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM gets outta tha hoopty first n' DEAN bigs up.

 **SAM  
** Ruby.

 **RUBY  
** Sam, dig me, there be a no time.

 **SAM  
** For what, biatch? What is you poppin' off about, biatch?

 **RUBY  
** Yo ass gotta git outta town. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **DEAN  
** So dis is Ruby, huh, biatch?

DEAN raises tha colt n' aims it at her cockin dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** Never had tha pleasure.

 **SAM  
** Dean!

 **DEAN  
** I was hopin you'd show up again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **RUBY  
** Point dat thang somewhere else.

 **DEAN  
** Hahahaha! Right.

 **RUBY  
** Sam. Biiiatch please.Go. Git up in tha hoopty n' don't look back.

 **SAM  
** Why, biatch? I don't understand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

 **DEAN  
** Yo bangin' shiznit we can take care of all dem kitchen witches, props.

 **RUBY  
** I aint poppin' off bout witches, you jackass. Witches is whores. I be poppin' off bout whoz ass they serve.

DEAN n' SAM both look trippin fo' a second yo, but then it dawns on SAM.

 **SAM  
** Demons. They git they juice from demons.

 **RUBY  
** Yeah. And there be a one here, now, nahmeean, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Oh, what, you mean besides yo slick ass, biatch?

 **RUBY  
** Sam, it knows you up in hood n' itz gonna come afta you n' its way mo' than you can handle.

 **DEAN  
** Oh come on, what tha fuck is dis huh, biatch? Please tell me you not listenin ta dis crap!

 **RUBY  
** Put a leash on yo' brother, Sam, if you wanna keep his muthafuckin ass.

 **SAM  
** Dean, look, just chill out.

 **DEAN  
** No! No! Dat hoe messin wit yo' head, Dogg knows why, thatz whoz ass they are!

 **RUBY  
** I be spittin some lyrics ta you tha real deal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack.

 **DEAN  
** And I be spittin some lyrics ta you ta shut tha fuck up biiiatch.

 **RUBY  
** I be sorry, why is you even a part of dis conversation?!

 **DEAN  
** Oh, I don't give a fuck maybe cuz he mah brother, you black eyed skank!

 **RUBY  
** Oh, right, right. Yo ass care bout yo' brutha all muthafuckin day. It make me wanna hollar playa! Thatz why you hittin' up in all dem months, leavin his ass all alone, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Shut up.

 **RUBY  
** At least let me try n' save him, since you won't be here ta do it any mo' n' mo' n' mo'.

 **DEAN  
** I holla'd shut tha fuck up!

DEAN moves ta fire tha Colt at RUBY.

 **SAM  
** Dean no!

SAM pushes DEANz arm away from RUBY as he fires tha Colt, n' DEAN tries ta fight against SAMz hold n' they lock arms n' both look ta where RUBY was standin ta peep dat dat freaky freaky biatch has vanished. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

DEAN gives SAM a look of disappointment n' goes back ta git up in tha Impala, as SAM looks round up in vain fo' RUBY.

 


	4. ACT THREE

**INT yo. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT**

DEAN strutts up in first n' switches on tha light n' SAM bigs up right behind his muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** What tha hell was you thinking?

 **SAM  
** What?! What tha hell was _I_ thinking, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Dat hoe a thugged-out demon, Sam. Period. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! All right, biatch? They want our asses dead, we want dem dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **SAM  
** Oh, thatz funky; I remember dat demon chick up in Ohio, Casey, biatch? Yo ass didn't want her dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, well dat biiiiatch wasn't stringin me along like a gangbangin' fish on a hook.

 **SAM  
** No onez stringin me along! Look, I know itz dangerous, dat her ass is dangerous yo, but like it or not, she useful naaahhmean, biatch? 

 **DEAN  
** No! We bust a cap up in her before she kills us.

 **SAM  
** Bust a cap up in her wit what, biatch? Da glock she fixed fo' us, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Whatever works.

 **SAM  
** Dean, if dat biiiiatch wants our asses dead, all dat freaky freaky biatch has ta do is stop savin our lives.

DEAN turns away from SAM n' goes ta tha sink turnin on tha gin n juice n' shit.

 **SAM  
** Look, we gotta start lookin all up in tha big-ass picture Dean, start thankin up in strategies n'- n' moves ahead. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

DEAN splashes wata on his wild lil' face.

 **SAM  
** It aint nuthin but not so simple, our asses aint- our asses aint just hustlin no mo'. We at war. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

DEAN turns off tha wata n' looks at SAM up in tha mirror above tha sink, grabs a towel ta dry off his wild lil' grill n' turns back round ta SAM.

 **DEAN  
** Is you feelin aiiight, biatch?

 **SAM  
** (sigh) Why is you always askin me that, biatch?

SAM sits on tha foot of one of tha bedz up in tha room, n' DEAN moves back toward SAM.

 **DEAN  
** Because you takin lyrics from a thugged-out demon fo' startas fo' realz. And by tha way, you seem less n' less worried bout offin people. Yo ass know, it used ta smoke you up inside.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, n' what tha fuck has dat gotten me son, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Nothang yo, but itz just what tha fuck you supposed ta do aiiight, biatch? We supposed ta drive up in tha freakin' hoopty n' freakin' argue bout dis stuff. Yo ass know, you go on bout tha sanctitizzle of game n' all dat crap. (DEAN rubs his stomach uncomfortably.)

 **SAM  
** Wait, so- so you mad cuz I be startin ta smoke wit yo slick ass, biatch? (DEAN looks at SAM n' exhales.)

 **DEAN  
** Fuck dat shit, I aint mad, I'm- I'm- I be worried, Sam- (DEAN moves n' sits down on tha foot of tha other bed up in tha room.) I be worried cuz you not actin like yo ass.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, you right, I be not. I aint gots a cold-ass lil chizzle.

 **DEAN  
** What tha fuck iz dat supposed ta mean, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Look, Dean, you leavin- right, biatch? And I gotta stay here up in dis craphole of a ghetto. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Alone. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So tha way I peep it, if I'ma make it, if I'ma fight dis war afta you gone, then I gotta chizzle.

DEAN has been lookin mo' n' mo' n' mo' uncomfortable durin SAMz last speech, n' is now clutchin his stomach up in discomfort n' leanin forward slightly.

 **DEAN  
** Change tha fuck into what, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Into you, biatch. I gotta be mo' like you, biatch.

DEAN shakes his head, then tightens his wild lil' grill up in pain, n' leans further over still clutchin his stomach n' side wit his fuckin left hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

 **DEAN  
** Ah!

 **SAM  
** Whatz goin on wit yo slick ass, biatch?

DEAN moves round up in pain still clutchin his stomach, n' his schmoooove ass can barely force lyrics out.

 **DEAN  
** I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. (bends, gasps) Oh- Sam somethingz wrong- bunch of knives inside of me-

 **SAM  
** Dean, biatch?

SAM Moves off tha bed n' kneels up in front of DEAN whoz ass is now leanin all tha way forward wit his head almost between his fuckin legs.

 **DEAN  
** Son of a funky-ass biiiatch-

 **SAM  
** Dean, hey.

 **DEAN  
** Da coven dude, itz gotta be tha coven. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **SAM  
** Don't worry.

SAM gets up n' rushes tha fuck into tha bathroom openin tha cupboardz below tha sink lookin fo' tha hex bag as DEAN yells up in pain n' lies back on tha bed, his wild lil' grill still twisted up in pain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM pulls thangs outta tha cupboard throwin dem aside.

DEAN leans forward again n' again n' again fallin ta his knees up in front of tha foot of tha bed, spittin up blood, chokin n' sputtering. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM is still lookin fo' tha hex bag, up in another cupboard pullin up pillows n' when he findz nothing, he moves ta tha bed while DEAN is still chokin on blood n' spittin it outta his crazy-ass grill. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM pulls off tha covers ta tha bed tearin back tha sheets n' slices tha mattress open wit his knife n' still cannot find tha hex bag.

 **SAM  
** Dean, I can't find dat shit.

DEAN falls over sideways n' looks weak n' hurt n' still up in pain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **SAM  
** No.

As DEAN continues ta cough blood mo' weakly now, SAM rummages all up in his bag n' pulls up tha Colt n' opens it ta make shizzle there be bullets up in dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** Sam, what tha fuck is you bustin, biatch?

SAM gets up n' moves toward tha door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

 **DEAN  
** Sam!

SAM leaves closin tha door behind his muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** Sam!

DEAN groans up in pain.

 

 

**_EXT. ROAD - NIGHT_ **

Da IMPALA speed down a thugged-out dark ghetto road n' tha camera pans up ta reveal SAM all up in tha wheel wit a look of determination on his wild lil' face.

 

 

**_INT. VAN ALLEN HOUSE - NIGHT_ **

ELIZABETH, RENEE AND TAMMI is round tha fruity-ass malt liquor table again n' again n' again wit tha altar set up, chanting.

 **ELIZABETH, RENEE AND TAMMI  
** Kihér tolic echranmuk, madan fiéré, marc oh don duer kianave-

SAM kicks up in tha door n' tha dem hoes scream outta fear gettin up from tha altar raisin they handz up in surrender n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM entas tha room wit tha colt drawn. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **SAM  
** Let his ass go.

 **RENEE  
** Let whoz ass go, biatch? What is you bustin, biatch? Yo ass is insane, git up son!

 **SAM  
** Look, if you know bout me, then you know bout dis gun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass is cappin' mah brutha n' shit. Now let his ass go. Git away from tha altar. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

 **RENEE  
** What, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Now!

They all move away from tha altar wit they handz still up as SAM keeps tha Colt trained on dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 

**_INT yo. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT_ **

DEAN is leanin over a pool of blood dat schmoooove muthafucka has spit up gaspin n' coughin blood still. There is quick footsteps outside n' tha door is kicked open n' RUBY steps up in n' findz DEAN whoz ass looks up n' sees her n' shit.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass wanna bust a cap up in me son, biatch? Git up in line biiiatch.

RUBY goes over ta DEAN n' pulls his ass up by tha collar tossin his ass on tha bed, leans over his ass n' forces his crazy-ass grill open wit her left hand as DEAN tries ta push her away. RUBY sprays a thugged-out dark brown liquid tha fuck into his crazy-ass grill from a funky-ass bag at her side wit her right hand while dean still strugglez under her hold. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! RUBY standz up as DEAN chokes on tha liquid n' spits some back out.

 **RUBY (panting)  
** Quit ... callin me biiiatch.

 

**_INT. VAN ALLEN HOUSE - NIGHT_ **

SAM is still aimin tha glock at ELIZABETH, RENEE n' TAMMI.

 **SAM  
** Go.

ELIZABETH, RENEE n' TAMMI move over up in front of tha fireplace wit they handz still up in tha air. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

 **ELIZABETH  
** What- we- we weren't hurtin mah playas.

 **RENEE  
** Please, our phat asses don't even know yo' brutha n' shit.

 **SAM  
** Quit tha spell, or take a thugged-out dirt nap. Five seconds.

 **RENEE  
** What, biatch?

SAM cocks tha glock n' points it back at dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **SAM  
** Four. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

 **RENEE  
** Fuck dat shit, please, please don't bust a cap up in us.

 **ELIZABETH  
** Us thugs was just gettin Renee a lower mortgage rate biaaatch!

SAM looks trippin but still holdz tha glock ready.

 

**_INT yo. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT_ **

**RUBY  
** Next time you point dat glock at me, I aint gonna just disappear, understand, biatch?

RUBY tosses a sawed off shotgun over ta DEAN whoz ass is back ta chillin on tha foot of tha bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! His grill is somewhat cleaned off from tha blood n' liquid 'cure' dat RUBY gave his muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass ... saved mah game.

 **RUBY  
** Don't mention dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** What was dat stuff, biatch? God, dat shiznit was ass. It smoked like ass.

 **RUBY  
** It aint nuthin but called witchcraft, short bus.

RUBY turns n' strutts outta tha room closin tha door behind her n' leavin DEAN on tha bed slightly offended. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass is tha short bus ... short bus.

 

 

**_INT yo. HOUSE - NIGHT_ **

**SAM  
** Okay, maybe it aint you-

SAM points tha glock at ELIZABETH.

 **SAM  
** -or you, biatch.

Dude points tha glock at RENEE dis time.

 **SAM  
** Maybe itz you, biatch.

SAM points tha glock at TAMMI whoz ass sobs, upset n' trippin like a muthafucka.

 **TAMMI  
** I don't even know what tha fuck he poppin' off about. What a-re you even poppin' off about, biatch?

 **SAM  
** I mean, all of you, mah playas up in yo' lil coven, you've all had runz of phat fortune. Newsworthy phat fortune. Except fo' you, Tammi. Now tell me, why is that, biatch? Yo ass didn't want anythang fo' yo ass, biatch? Or is it cuz you already gettin what tha fuck you wanted- like these hoes souls.

 **TAMMI  
** I can't- I-I be not- I-I-I don't...

TAMMI sighs n' puts her handz down, goin from lookin frightened ta calm n' her eyes chizzle ta black revealin dat her ass is tha demon RUBY warned his ass about. Da other dem hoes gasp, lookin shocked.

 **TAMMI  
** Sick dick work, Magnum.

 **SAM  
** Let. My fuckin brutha n' shit. Go.

 **TAMMI  
** Whatz wrong, biatch? Couldn't find mah hex bag, biatch? Sorry, dopeheart yo, but yo' brotherz lungs should be on tha floor by now, nahmeean, biatch?

SAM blasts tha Colt. Da cap slows as TAMMI lifts up her hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da cap loses momentum, slows, stops, n' falls ta tha floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

ELIZABETH gasps.

 **TAMMI  
** Yo ass is up in a shitload of shit, Sam.

 


	5. ACT FOUR

TAMMI motions her arm at SAM, n' SAM is thrown against tha wall behind him, n' pinned there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

 **ELIZABETH  
** Tammi, whatz wack wit yo' eyes, biatch?

TAMMI turns her head n' attention on tha other two dem hoes, makin her eyes look human again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. SAM is still pinned helplessly ta tha wall.

 **RENEE  
** Tammi, what tha fuck is you bustin, biatch?

 **TAMMI  
** Renee, shut yo' painted hole.

 **RENEE  
** What, biatch? I-I will- Yo ass can't- Not up in mah house, Tammi Fenton. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

TAMMI, annoyed, waves her right hand at RENEE n' RENEEz head snaps ta tha right so far it almost turns straight-up backwards, cappin' her instantly. Her body falls ta tha floor as ELIZABETH shrieks up in terror coverin her grill.

 **SAM  
** Look. Yo ass gots me- let tha hoe go.

 **TAMMI  
** Wait yo' turn, lil' man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

ELIZABETH make another scared noise (oh-oh god) brangin TAMMIz attention back ta her n' shit.

 **TAMMI  
** Shhh, Lizzie, itz all gravy.

 **ELIZABETH  
** Yo ass aint Tammi.

 **TAMMI  
** Fuck dat shiznit yo, but I be bustin her meat. I had ta break tha ice wit you hoes somehow.

 **ELIZABETH  
** Yo ass capped Renee.

 **TAMMI  
** Renee, Amanda ... Thatz what tha fuck happens ta witches whoz ass git voted off tha island. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

 **ELIZABETH  
** Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck is yo slick ass, biatch?

 **TAMMI  
** Funny rap actually. Yo ass remember all dem dark demonic forces you prayed to, when you swore yo' servitude, biatch? Just whoz ass did you be thinkin you was prayin to, biatch?

 **ELIZABETH  
** This-this aint- it can't b-

 **TAMMI  
** What did you be thinkin it was, biatch? Make believe, biatch? Positizzle thinking, biatch? Da Secret, biatch? Fuck dat shit, dat shiznit was mah dirty ass. Yo ass sold yo ass ta me, you pig.

ELIZABETH gasps n' continues ta stare at TAMMI up in horror. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

 **TAMMI  
** All I had ta do was brang one phat book ta Book Club, n' you ladies lined up ta lick mah ass.

 **ELIZABETH  
** Fuck dat shit, no, our phat asses didn't give a fuck-

 **TAMMI  
** Oh, yeaaaa you done did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Yo ass knew every last muthafuckin step of tha way, n' now yo' eva livin' souls is mine.

TAMMI turns back ta SAM whoz ass is still pinned ta tha wall.

 **TAMMI  
** Comments, biatch? Questions, biatch? Hmm, Sammy Winchester, wow! Right here up in our lil town. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass know, mah playaz n' I, we've been lookin fo' you, biatch.

 **SAM  
** Why, biatch? Oh, right, 'cause I be supposed ta lead some piss skanky demon army.

 **TAMMI  
** Fuck dat shit, not at all. Yo ass aint our Messiah. Us dudes don't believe up in you, biatch. But, there be a a freshly smoked up leader risin up in tha Westside- a  _real_  leader n' shit. Thatz tha cow ta bet on, Sam, tha one whoz gonna tear dis ghetto apart. Thin is, dis demon, biatch? It don't like you straight-up much. It don't want tha competition. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

TAMMI raises her hand n' SAM slides up tha wall, groaning, n' is suspended against dat shit.

 **TAMMI  
** Nothang personal, itz a P.R. thang, so, buh-bye.

TAMMI keeps her hand raised, n' SAM begins ta be crushed tha fuck into tha wall, paint n' plasta crackin as he is pushed harder tha fuck into tha solid wall. Elizabeth standz there watching, frozen up in fear n' tha front door ta tha doggy den slams open. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. DEAN runs up in wit his shotgun drawn n' TAMMI turns round easily throwin his ass over tha sofa, n' when he gets up, she pins his ass ta tha wall behind his muthafuckin ass.

 **TAMMI  
** Two fo' one. Lovely.

RUBYz voice cuts up in before TAMMI can finish what tha fuck her big-ass booty started. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time.

 **RUBY  
** Wait.

RUBY strutts up in wit her handz raised up in surrender n' shit.

 **RUBY (continues)  
** Please. I just ... came ta talk.

RUBY puts her handz down

 **TAMMI  
** Yo ass juiced it up outta tha gate. Impressive. That was a funky-ass biiiatch of a gangbangin' fight, wasn't it, biatch?

 **RUBY  
** Doors outta Hell only open fo' so long.

 **TAMMI  
** What do you want, Ruby, biatch?

 **RUBY  
** Ya Mom shoulda told ya, I been lost without you, biatch. (she continues ta advance) Take me back. Thatz why I hustled tha Winchestas here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

DEAN looks mad salty, n' grills "I holla'd at you so" ta SAM.

 **RUBY (continuing)  
** They're fo' you ... as a gift.

 **TAMMI  
** Really.

 **RUBY  
** Let me serve you again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I've wanted it- I've wanted  _you_ \- fo' so long. (DEAN lifts his wild lil' fuckin eyebrows at dis hot-demon-chick on hot-demon-chick flirtation.)

 **TAMMI  
** Yo ass was one of mah best.

RUBY n' TAMMI peep each other, n' RUBY pulls her knife up n' tries ta stab TAMMI yo, but TAMMI catches it up in mid-air. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

 **TAMMI  
** But then again, you always was a lyin whore.

Da knife is thrown sideways outta they handz across tha wood floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. TAMMI n' RUBY fight, n' TAMMI throws RUBY tha fuck into tha TV yo, but she gets up n' kicks TAMMI n' goes ta run past her, n' TAMMI clotheslines RUBY causin her ta fall flat on her back. TAMMI pulls RUBY up n' throws her tha fuck into a funky-ass bookcase n' gets a gangbangin' fireplace poker from tha stand on tha hearth, lookin at ELIZABETH whoz ass is still cowerin from TAMMI, before dat biiiiatch strutts back ta RUBY wit tha poker up in her hand

 **TAMMI  
** Yo ass is straight-up spittin some lyrics ta me you threw up in yo' chips wit Abbott n' Costello here, biatch?

RUBY, panting, tries ta git up, n' TAMMI hits her across tha grill wit tha fireplace poker n' shit. ELIZABETH runs ta tha altar n' dumps a funky-ass bunch of pins outta a funky-ass bow onto tha cloth wit tha demonic symbol on dat shit. ELIZABETH is unseen by TAMMI whoz ass is still payin attention ta RUBY.

 **TAMMI  
** Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Git up.

RUBY is pantin n' not moving, wit blood comin outta her nose.

 **TAMMI  
** I holla'd, git up!

TAMMI tosses tha poker aside n' crouches over RUBY grabbin her by tha jacket n' pullin her up.

 **TAMMI  
** We've been here before, aint we, biatch?

TAMMI chucklez ta her muthafuckin ass n' looks over at SAM.

 **TAMMI  
** Bitch didn't tell yo slick ass, biatch?

TAMMI turns back ta Ruby n' continues.

 **TAMMI (cotinues)  
** Pretty mortifyin I guess. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was one of mine. I turned her up a long, long time ago. Ruby here was a witch. Of course dat was when you was human. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

DEAN n' SAM both look surprised even though they is still both pinned ta they respectizzle walls. TAMMI throws RUBY back down onto tha debriz of tha bookcase dat thugged-out biiiatch crashed all up in n' standz up.

 **TAMMI  
** Didn't want yo' playaz ta know dat all dem centuries back you sold yo ass ta me son, biatch? Embarrassing, I guess. But quit freakin' tha fuck up love, no secrets where you headin remember, biatch?

TAMMI begins ta chant n' black smoke rises outta RUBYz grill curlin n' hoverin inches above her grill.

 **TAMMI  
** Monyé valack forsa, ulu iri regatt ruac, fieesh nieesh forthsa lé inmist infirum forthsa por un betest a té un fornallez ecclaisee-

TAMMI begins ta cough n' ELIZABETH is chantin under her breath all up in tha altar fo' realz. As TAMMI coughs harder, DEAN is dropped from tha wall n' he falls forward. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! SAM also falls from tha wall n' drops ta tha floor as TAMMI brangs her hand up ta her grill. TAMMI coughs up a handful of long pins tha fuck into her hand, her grill bleedin up in tha process. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch looks all up in tha pins n' raises her right hand n' clenches it tha fuck into a gangbangin' fist. ELIZABETH'S breath catches n' her eyes go wide as her ass stops n' she falls onto tha altar, dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

DEAN comes up behind TAMMI n' stabs her up in tha back repeatedly wit RUBYz discarded knife. TAMMI takes a thugged-out dirt nap as well as tha demon dat was inside of her n' she falls ta tha floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. DEAN looks at RUBY n' goes ta help SAM up n' they both move toward tha door n' stop ta peep RUBY.

 **RUBY  
** Go.

RUBY looks at dem slightly embarrassed n' wipes tha blood away from her grill.

 **RUBY  
** I be bout ta clean up dis mess.

DEAN starts ta strutt toward tha door, helpin SAM on his way.

 **DEAN  
** Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

DEAN n' SAM stop n' look back at RUBY one mo' time. RUBY turns her eyes black n' glares at dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **RUBY  
** Go.

DEAN n' SAM strutt up tha door n' RUBY leans over TAMMIz body n' takes her knife outta TAMMIz back n' holdz it up. Da knife is covered up in blood, n' is tokin.


	6. ACT FIVE

INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

SAM is splashin his wild lil' grill wit wata n' looks up in tha mirror above tha sink wit a worried expression etched up in his wild lil' face.

 

 

**EXT. MOTEL - NIGHT**

Motel sign says: "Conquistador Motel"

DEAN is struttin outside of tha motel. As tha lights flicker, he looks around, n' then round again n' again n' again ta peep RUBY standin there up in tha shadowz of tha hotel parkin lot.

 **DEAN  
** So tha devil may care afta all, is dat what tha fuck I be supposed ta believe, biatch?

 **RUBY  
** I don't believe up in tha devil.

DEAN strutts toward her muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** Wacky night. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So let me git dis straight, you was human once, you died, you went ta hell, you became a...

 **RUBY  
** Yeah.

RUBY turns ta muthafuckin bounce.

 **DEAN  
** How tha fuck long ago, biatch?

 **RUBY  
** Back when tha plague was big.

 **DEAN  
** So all of 'em- every damn demon- they was all human once?

 **RUBY  
** Every one I've eva met.

 **DEAN  
** Well, they shizzle don't act like dat shit.

 **RUBY  
** Most of dem have forgotten what tha fuck it means, or even dat they were, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Thatz what tha fuck happens when you git all up in Hell, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Thatz what tha fuck Hell is- forgettin what tha fuck yo ass is.

 **DEAN  
** Philosophy lesson from a thugged-out demon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I be bout ta pass, props.

 **RUBY  
** It aint nuthin but not philosophy. It aint nuthin but not a metaphor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Therez a real fire up in tha pit fo' realz. Agonies you can't even imagine.

 **DEAN  
** Fuck dat shit, I saw "Hellraiser". I git tha gist.

RUBY turns n' starts struttin away.

 **RUBY  
** Actually they gots dat pretty close. Except fo' all tha custom leather n' shit.

DEAN looks thoughtful n' RUBY stops her departure, n' turns back ta DEAN.

 **RUBY  
** Da answer is fo'sho, by tha way.

 **DEAN  
** I be sorry, biatch?

 **RUBY  
** Yes, tha same thang will happen ta you, biatch. Well shiiiit, it might take centuries yo, but sooner or lata Hell will burn away yo' humanity. Every Hell-bound soul, every last muthafuckin one, turns tha fuck into suttin' else. Turns you tha fuck into us. So yeah. Yeah, you can count on dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** Therez no way of savin me from tha Pit is there?

 **RUBY  
** (sighs) No.

 **DEAN  
** Then why'd you tell Sam dat you could, biatch?

 **RUBY  
** So da thug would rap ta mah dirty ass. Yo ass Winchestas can be pretty bigoted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. I needed suttin' ta help his ass git past the-

 **DEAN  
** Da demon thang, biatch? It aint nuthin but pretty hard ta git past.

 **RUBY  
** (laughs) Look at you, biatch. Tryin' ta be all stoic. My fuckin god, itz heartbreaking.

 **DEAN  
** Why is you spittin some lyrics ta me all this, biatch?

 **RUBY  
** I need yo' help.

 **DEAN  
** Help wit what, biatch?

 **RUBY  
** With Sam. Da way you stuck dat demon tonight- dat shiznit was pretty tough cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Samz almost there yo, but not quite. Yo ass need ta help me git his ass locked n loaded- fo' game without you, biatch. To fight dis war on his own. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

RUBY turns n' strutts away again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **DEAN  
** Ruby dawwwwg! (Bitch pauses) Why do you want our asses ta win, biatch?

RUBY turns back round ta grill DEAN.

 **RUBY  
** Isn't it obvious, biatch? I aint like dem wild-ass muthafuckas. I don't give a fuck why. I- I wish I was yo, but ... I be not. I remember what tha fuck itz like.

 **DEAN  
** What whatz like, biatch?

 **RUBY  
** Bein human. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

DEAN looks down lost up in his cold-ass thoughts, n' when he looks up RUBY has disappeared leavin DEAN ridin' solo up in tha parkin lot.


End file.
